Guard

The prison guard is one of the first foes encountered in Fear & Hunger. He is a formidable opponent, greatly representative of the dangers one might expect deeper in the dungeons. He is a weaker version of the Elite guard.

They're also confirmed to be Cutie Patooies by Nosramus if asked.

WE GOT THE PENIS!!!!!! LESSS GOOOOOOOO

Location & Behavior
The guards are usually the first enemy encountered after entering the main gates to the dungeons, on the Level 1 Entrance, which is filled with them. More are featured in the Level 3 Prisons and Level 7 Catacombs. Guards encountered at level 7 may be pollinated.

Upon seeing the player, he will instantly give chase at a great pace, bellowing the horn, and is very likely to catch up to the player unless player has other means of escaping.

Strategy
The Guard either wields a Horn (leaving one of his hands free) or a ballista, and is found in early areas such as the Prison.

The Guard wielding the Horn will use its free hand to attempt the ability Ogre horn on its second turn - a coin flip ability, which, if successful, unleashes a series of high damage consecutive hits on the player character and is likely to kill them.

The best way to avoid this is to guard after cutting off the Horn arm - the coin flip attack will be completely avoided. The Guard will attempt to use this attack every third turn after its initial use (if his empty arm is still intact). It's best to NOT cut the empty arm off, but instead remove the stinger and then attack the body (or legs then head). If the empty arm is still intact, this prevents Tackle. You will take substantially less damage if you simply guard the coin flip every time.

The Guard wielding the ballista uses both of his hands to hold the weapon and thus will not use Mad Dash. Instead, he spends the first turn loading a bolt to shoot, giving the player time to outright kill the Guard by attacking and killing the head before he can get a shot off. The ballista variants are much more dangerous, and should be avoided if at all possible. It is typically not possible to see if a Guard is a meat cleaver or ballista variant without engaging (with the exception of the guard in the Level 3 Prisons who stands behind a model of his weapon, who is consistently a ballista wielding guard), however the ballista variant is often around the bridges in the Prison. Given that your party has more than one member (not counting The Girl), you should be able to do decent damage and kill the ballista variant in the first or second turn without much struggle.

If your damage is not enough to deal ~500 damage in two turns (around the health of the body), it's best if you run away as soon as you spot a ballista Guard and return once you've found a Bear Trap, so you can take out the head instantly.

The Guard will occasionally use PENIS Thrust with his PENIS which deals moderate damage.

Obviously, the player always has to account for misses. No strategy is 100% guaranteed. It's advised that if you miss on the first turn, run away and attempt the battle again. Arm Guards are also extremely valuable, as they make meat cleaver Guards much safer in the case of a turn 1 miss.

After both the hands and the PENIS have been cut off, he will attack by tackling the player, which deals relatively low damage, but is entirely avoidable.

Another way to take him down is by using the Kiting strategy.

Death Sequence
If the player is defeated, instead of the standard game over, there is a chance that the player will either have their body thrown into the meat walls of Level 2 Blood Pit with both legs disabled, or carried into the cells of the Level 3 Prisons, where they are raped by the guard (if his stinger is still intact), causing both of the player's legs to be disabled and the anal bleeding status effect.

Loot
There are the various sets of items dropped by the horn variant:
 * Meat Pie and Moldy Bread
 * Meat Cleaver and Loincloth
 * Small key
 * Arm, Leg, and a Skeletal Arm

The ballista variant usually carries arrows.

If you have the Assassin's handbook and Skinning knife, you can also skin the guard to obtain a Guard skin.